I was pulled from the safety of my secret hiding place, and dragged into the light, like Gaddafi from the sewer. The mob suspended me upside down, helpless and afraid. One of them beat me until I cried. Another cut me with a blade. “It’s a boy!” announced the midwife.


She stopped and stared, mesmerised by the shimmering orbs that appeared to be hovering just above the horizon in the cold night air. An alien growl of increasing intensity was emitted by the spectral lights as mysteriously they expanded. “Shit!” exclaimed the driver as his front spoiler eviscerated the rabbit.


Waking at eight, I sensed that it was a beautiful spring day outside, despite the dismal grey light within my bedroom. I flung the heavy curtains wide, inviting the morning sun to bathe my naked body. Apparently, the window cleaner survived the fall, but was fatally wounded by the ladder.


“The operation was successful and some of your vision might eventually return”, the surgeon purred from the end of the bed. “I’m here for you, darling”, added his wife. Despite being unaccustomed to the harsh glare of the hospital lights, he remained impassive as he silently observed the secret lovers.


The tube-travellers were hot and tightly-packed, moving swiftly through the darkness. Suddenly, they burst into the light, tumbling through the air to a certain death, each one a life wasted. His mother smiled indulgently, and shouted at him through the bathroom door: “Give it a rest or you’ll go blind!”


The night sky above Edinburgh castle danced with shards of light and colour. Hundreds of people in the streets below gasped at the spectacle, their bodies resonating with the deep boom of each explosion. None of the onlookers heard the triumphant cry from high on the castle rock: “Allahu akbar!”


Falcon, the human cannonball, knew the dangers of losing his shape in the air. The spectators were horrified to see him squirming in mid-flight, his legs kicking furiously, his hands flapping madly behind him. The forensic pathologist was surprised to discover a profusion of tapeworm segments in the showman’s underpants.

© Spiderboy 2014

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